POSSESSIVE

What comes first into your mind when you hear this word? I bet you immediately think of a person who always forbids her/his boyfriend/girlfriend to do something, go with someone/friends, etc. This type of person usually wanna know (very2 curious and sometimes their action annoys very much) of what she/he doing or where she/he going and with who. Why do a lot of people do this? My answer (based on my opinion and experience) is because they think they have rights to know in order to control her/his action, so she/he cannot act against them, do something their bf/gf doesn't like or do something they are not supposed to do. People in this situation is totally, absolutely, exactly under someone else control. Some of them will not protest but some will.

I have been in there situation honestly :p Do you ever think that it happens not only between two person who are falling in love or in a relationship but it often happens between parents and children. As parents, they absolutely have rights to control and keep their children even to direct them to something good. It's not only their privilege but also their duty and responsibility as parents even though sometimes they too much 'care' and make too much intervention to the children's private life. This is what I often see in the real life. Let's say, children wanna do something and parents do not agree with their choice of act. Parents are being authoritative. If they say "no", then the children MUST obey them no matter how or whether they like it/not. This is good only for a while. I bet this will not last for a long time because children will try to find a way to manipulate. They will find a way to deceive their parents. And I'm so sorry to say this... parents are often fooled by their children not because they are stupid or fool literally but because of their authority, the wrong authority. Let's make a good example that happens very very often in our daily life. There's a girl who is forbidden to have a boyfriend by her parents. Her parents want her to study first, to be the best in her talent, to be succeed, not to waste the time or to think too much of a boy. This is a good purpose, of course.. Who doesn't want the children to be succeed? But the way her parents give the rule is false. Parents are too much authoritative, stiff and make too much intervention that annoys her very much. Seeing there are a lot of her friends have boyfriend, she becomes envy (oh c'mon, this is normal, huh? XD).

Negotiation with parents will not make the deal. It will be all useless. She knows it! What will she do? Backstreet relationship will be the answer. She won't tell her parents, only tell her friends and we should have known and think ahead that the effects of the wrong authority is parallel. Parallel here means that her first action to deceive or escape from her parents' grip will cause something that's not good for herself. And that something will again cause another thing in the future. One thing causes another thing.

I think as parents, they should give more freedom to their children, allow them to decide something they think good for them but do not forget to advise them too. By giving children more freedom and not trammel them, they will know what should they do with their freedom. By giving this, children will know that freedom they have has limit. However, children themselves must be down to earth, they must conceive that they are under their parents' control still, and they must respect their parents. Having more freedom does not mean that they are totally free, free to do anything they want even though their action will harm someone else and themselves. No, freedom is not like that. Why I dare enough to write and give the suggestion like this, because it's based on my own experience. My parents, especially my mother gives me so much freedom. She lets me do anything I want. Why does she do this? Because she believes by giving me more freedom, I will be more responsible since I will understand the limit of freedom and I can learn how to keep someone's trusty. Have I misapplied her trusty? No, I haven't :)